


REGRET

by girlinred



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, shit ton of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 00:13:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlinred/pseuds/girlinred
Summary: Ryo didn't know how long it had been since Akira had died.It could've been days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, millennia...It could've been seconds.But he still felt the same. His feelings never changed.... What was it he was even feeling in the first place?





	REGRET

Ryo didn't know how long it had been since Akira had died.

It could've been days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, millennia...

It could've been seconds. 

Either way, the gaping hole in Satan's chest loomed over him, swallowed him up, spat him out, ripped him apart. Time had the same effect as acid, but God didn't let time stop for even one second, so the wear on his heart reduced it to dust.

But at the same time, Ryo's heart couldn't be destroyed. Akira had fought too hard to make sure that stone-dead lump in his chest still felt something. He still couldn't discern what he was feeling. Anger? No, he had felt that many times before, and this wasn't it. Disgust? No, he had rarely, if ever, been disgusted by anything. What he was feeling made his whole body feel like lead, like he was weighed down but could still move however he wanted to. His mind was worn as much as his heart by now. All he could do was lay next to Akira's body and let himself waste away. 

He couldn't even do that, though. As Satan, he couldn't even be allowed to die quietly. He wished he could do something, anything to end the pain and dull ache inside his own body.  He knew the emotion he was feeling had a word for it, and he believed Akira had said it once, when they were younger. What was it again? He closed his eyes, and struggled to recall the memory. 

They had been at a beach, hadn't they? On the shore of the town they lived in. It had begun as a sunny day, but soon turned cloudy. Rain began to pour and Akira hadn't had the foresight to bring an umbrella. He was beginning to cry, but Ryo didn't understand the big deal. Wasn't he going to get wet anyways? 

"Mama..." He sobbed, clinging to her as the began to go back to the car. "Why did the sun go away?"

"It's not in the mood for playing right now," She said, patting him comfortingly. Ryo followed closely behind, unsure of how to react to his friend's reaction to the rain.

"God, I  _thought_  we should've brought an umbrella. Forecast said it was gonna rain, but I thought they were wrong about it since it was pretty sunny earlier. Well, I really regret that now. Stinks, doesn't it?" His father said. Akira looked up questioningly.

"R-regret?"

"Yeah, it's when you do something that comes back to bite you in the a-"

His mother cut the man off with a sharp look, and he smiled sheepishly. 

"Well, it's just a choice you make that you wish you hadn't made in the first place."

Ryo opened his eyes.

Regret.

It was what clung to his lashes now, the thing that trickled down his cheeks in twin streams.

It was what had filled the hole his now non-existent heart had been. 

It was in the fingers that cradled his beloved's cheek, the unresponsive lips of the only person he had ever come to love. 

It was in Akira's dull eyes that had once flashed with such fury and passion that Satan himself backed down from. 

It was everything and nothing. It was the chasm he had forged for himself when he first disobeyed God. 

It was all he knew now.

He held Akira's body in his arms, and he was crying, no, he was  _bawling_. Imagine that! Satan himself, weeping over the pathetic Devilman. If the other demons had been there, he knew they would have laughed at his weakness. They would have made a mockery of his love because they had never felt what he had. The crushing weight of all he had done, everything he had been had truly set in. 

He hated it! He wanted it to stop! Ryo's eyes glistened with tears and something unfamiliar. He couldn't- He couldn't live without Akira. The only person to keep him going, to challenge him, to make things fun and interesting again. The only person who ever made him rethink himself, who made him doubt his own actions. He couldn't be dead, he couldn't be! His hands pressed gently against Akira's chest. Not even a hint of a throb. He felt unfamiliar sensation of tears once more, brushed them away. He held them up to Akira's cold eyes now, a hopeful grin on his face.

"Look," He choked out. " _Now_  who's the crybaby?"

When he got no response, the smile on his face faltered, before being replaced by more sobs. 

"Akira!" He cried, and pulled the icy cold torso of his dearest flush against his own.

"Akira, I'm sorry!"

"I shouldn't have done this!"

"I can't live without you, I can't!"

"Please, say something!"

"Say anything at all!"

"Don't leave me alone!"

He slapped him once, twice.

"Wake up! For fuck's sake, wake the hell up!"

Nothing.

A final sob rang through the stagnant and dead air. He clutched Akira's body and felt the chilled skin of the man who had once been the one thing keeping him going.

"Akira..." He wept.

_"I regret."_


End file.
